Friday, April 13, 2007
Jealousy
"Attack is the best defence."
Jealousy is one of the most powerful feelings in interpersonal relationships. It is defined as feeling angry or unhappy becuse somebody you like or love is showing interest in somebody else. Some people are more jealous than others. Why?
We can trace back the reasons to early
childhood and a particular traumatic moment but any explanation of that type would be a kind of excuse to justify our present behaviour. We can easily relate jealousy to the sense of possessiveness as well, which you see is a trait that can not be easily changed. But let's see jealousy from a different perspective.
There is a defense mechanism in psychology called projection. Psychological projection is when one attributes (projects) to others, one’s own unacceptable or unwanted thoughts and emotions. Say, we are extremely jealous of our partner. We live with the unpleasant thought that someone else can steal them from us. Are we not actually scare of the fact that we ourselves are the ones than can let be stolen? By manifesting a feeling of jealousy we are unconsciously showing our lack of
willpower and confidence as partners. On the contrary, non-jealous people seem not to use the mechanism of projection resulting in a more stable and
affectionate relationship.
# posted by Iv @ 3:48 PM 
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I also agree with this theory... however I'd add that every case is different - cheating could be done out of sheer boredom or for the fun of it ..or because the cheater just loves doing it...
..the problem with jealousy is that paradoxically the more they are jealous - the more I'm likely to go astray - at least to meet the expectation; it's bad to disappoint the one you love, isn't it?
..the problem with jealousy is that paradoxically the more they are jealous - the more I'm likely to go astray - at least to meet the expectation; it's bad to disappoint the one you love, isn't it?
Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them. ~Jennifer James
Thanks Veselyak!
"..the problem with jealousy is that paradoxically the more they are jealous - the more I'm likely to go astray - at least to meet the expectation; it's bad to disappoint the one you love, isn't it?"
That's an interesting point of view. It's also true for me. It seems that we are getting into the role the other person imposes on us..
As for the Jennifer James' quote I believe it is related to really deep personality structures. What seems illogical at first glance is that it's an innate human tendency to look for disapproval. I think people usualy seek and process opinions that are consistent with their own image of themselves which supports the view.
According to the quote we are not able to love until we overcome our feeling of jealousy being a manifestation of our deep personality deficits. But who doesn't have any problems with some personality issues after all? Somehow people manage to love each other despite of not being perfect...
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"..the problem with jealousy is that paradoxically the more they are jealous - the more I'm likely to go astray - at least to meet the expectation; it's bad to disappoint the one you love, isn't it?"
That's an interesting point of view. It's also true for me. It seems that we are getting into the role the other person imposes on us..
As for the Jennifer James' quote I believe it is related to really deep personality structures. What seems illogical at first glance is that it's an innate human tendency to look for disapproval. I think people usualy seek and process opinions that are consistent with their own image of themselves which supports the view.
According to the quote we are not able to love until we overcome our feeling of jealousy being a manifestation of our deep personality deficits. But who doesn't have any problems with some personality issues after all? Somehow people manage to love each other despite of not being perfect...
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