Friday, December 29, 2006
What is Love?
A long time ago a Greek philospher (Aristophanes, 189c-190b) suggested that human beings had a pair of legs and arms and two heads. They were rather big, in oval shape and happily resided Earth. Until one day when God started fearing their strenght and decided to divide them into two. Than he scattered all parts around the world so that it was difficult to find each other and reunite again. Since then, every part has been seeking for the other. Fascinating, isn't it? Love proves to be much more complicated, though. It's easy to say that people who have much in common or the contrary can attract each other but it's difficult to explain why.There are areas of people's lives where compromises are ok, such as taste of music or brand of toothpaste. These are usually superficial things and are often a matter of mutual tolerance. However, if values and beliefs differ significantly it could be difficult to find a common fundament to build up a healthy relationship. I was once with a guy who believed that only 'dark', negative feelings and thoughts are real. Our relationship didn't really last long.
Many times it's almost impossible to see the extent of compatability as the so called love telescope is at work. It's a state experienced by people when they are in love; they increase significantly the positive traits of their loved ones and decrease the negative ones. I've heard of a woman who was constantly asked by her friends why she chose such an ugly husband. 'Take my eyes and have a look at him through them', was her answer. Love is something really personal indeed. I've recently been told that the physical substract of love lingers in out brain from 3 months up to three years. But are we really liars if we still keep saying I love you even after that?
Again, it comes down to how we define love. Some authors (Erich Fromm, 1956) believe it's an art we can master through concentration and devotion. Like any other art, it takes time and will to learn how to love and like in any other art it takes a lifetime to reach high standards. The idea of love as a purpose of life is consistent with Jiddu Krishnamurti's philosophy that being pressed by the finity of time the only right thing to do is to truely love someone.
But does love really need an object? Or even a subject? Many times I would feel it as a flow, inside me which only changes its direction. It's not even mine. Same flow, different people. That's the unpolished love, seeking and learning love. When one starts to feel they can control that flow, their love becomes idiosyncratic; it takes the shape of a face, a piece of music, a touch. Infantile love says: I love you because I need you, while mature love says: 'I need you because I love you (Erich Fromm). If we assume this right, then love shouldn't be anything about possessing or controlling, let along submission. Love it's about freedom. Me Personally: I know I am in love, when I feel more free with than without someone.
By freedom I mean feeling free to express yourself they way you are; being stimulated to develop and reach your potential; being able to charge yourself by giving love and affection; being able to experience nature and universe with two hearts beating as one.
One can not love unless one is free from their own fears and limitations. A famous quote states that 'Loving people live in a loving world and hating people live in a hating world. Same world. If we reverse it we can say who is able to love and who is not. Hatred, jealousy and possessiveness have nothing to do with love. In fact, hatred is not even the opposite of love. When people hate that means they still have strong feelings. The opposite of love is ignorance. Not seeing or pretending not to see can be so hurting, as it is a sign of lack of love. We have all seen people, including ourselves, that look at things but don't really see what's in front of their eyes. How can anyone that can not appreciate the beauty of a falling autumn leaf of the smell of a freshly mown grass give love? There is no such thing as falling in love, but being in love. Being in love with life, with nature, with love itself..that's love for me. And being in love with someone is just a manifestation of your state of harmony with every little particle of nature and universe.
A long time ago a Greek philospher (Aristophanes, 189c-190b) suggested that human beings had a pair of legs and arms and two heads. They were rather big, in oval shape and happily resided Earth. Until one day when God started fearing their strenght and decided to divide them into two. Than he scattered all parts around the world so that it was difficult to find each other and reunite again. Since then, every part has been seeking for the other. Fascinating, isn't it? Love proves to be much more complicated, though. It's easy to say that people who have much in common or the contrary can attract each other but it's difficult to explain why.There are areas of people's lives where compromises are ok, such as taste of music or brand of toothpaste. These are usually superficial things and are often a matter of mutual tolerance. However, if values and beliefs differ significantly it could be difficult to find a common fundament to build up a healthy relationship. I was once with a guy who believed that only 'dark', negative feelings and thoughts are real. Our relationship didn't really last long.
Many times it's almost impossible to see the extent of compatability as the so called love telescope is at work. It's a state experienced by people when they are in love; they increase significantly the positive traits of their loved ones and decrease the negative ones. I've heard of a woman who was constantly asked by her friends why she chose such an ugly husband. 'Take my eyes and have a look at him through them', was her answer. Love is something really personal indeed. I've recently been told that the physical substract of love lingers in out brain from 3 months up to three years. But are we really liars if we still keep saying I love you even after that?
Again, it comes down to how we define love. Some authors (Erich Fromm, 1956) believe it's an art we can master through concentration and devotion. Like any other art, it takes time and will to learn how to love and like in any other art it takes a lifetime to reach high standards. The idea of love as a purpose of life is consistent with Jiddu Krishnamurti's philosophy that being pressed by the finity of time the only right thing to do is to truely love someone.
But does love really need an object? Or even a subject? Many times I would feel it as a flow, inside me which only changes its direction. It's not even mine. Same flow, different people. That's the unpolished love, seeking and learning love. When one starts to feel they can control that flow, their love becomes idiosyncratic; it takes the shape of a face, a piece of music, a touch. Infantile love says: I love you because I need you, while mature love says: 'I need you because I love you (Erich Fromm). If we assume this right, then love shouldn't be anything about possessing or controlling, let along submission. Love it's about freedom. Me Personally: I know I am in love, when I feel more free with than without someone.
By freedom I mean feeling free to express yourself they way you are; being stimulated to develop and reach your potential; being able to charge yourself by giving love and affection; being able to experience nature and universe with two hearts beating as one.
One can not love unless one is free from their own fears and limitations. A famous quote states that 'Loving people live in a loving world and hating people live in a hating world. Same world. If we reverse it we can say who is able to love and who is not. Hatred, jealousy and possessiveness have nothing to do with love. In fact, hatred is not even the opposite of love. When people hate that means they still have strong feelings. The opposite of love is ignorance. Not seeing or pretending not to see can be so hurting, as it is a sign of lack of love. We have all seen people, including ourselves, that look at things but don't really see what's in front of their eyes. How can anyone that can not appreciate the beauty of a falling autumn leaf of the smell of a freshly mown grass give love? There is no such thing as falling in love, but being in love. Being in love with life, with nature, with love itself..that's love for me. And being in love with someone is just a manifestation of your state of harmony with every little particle of nature and universe.
# posted by Iv @ 8:57 PM 
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